Things I Have Done in the Past Two Weeks

Some things I’ve done in the past couple of weeks.

I have:

• Requested help to find a picture of a mean unicorn.
• Forgotten why I wanted the picture in the first place.
• Called my mom “dude” at least twice.
• Cried when the Saints won the NFC Championship.
• Referred to Himself as The Ham King of Memphis several times more than necessary.
• Written to my state congressional delegation.
• Cringed when “Iraq” was pronounced “EYE-RACK”.
• Forgotten how old I am.
• Wondered why the title loan place on Summer has so much square footage.
• Smiled at the mother and daughter sitting behind me who are having sandwiches and working on compound sentences and direct objects.
• Wondered why Tim Tebow’s mom can choose but she doesn’t think I should be able to.
• Been reminded why I love my husband so much.
• Had lottery fantasies that involve leaving the waitress at Harry’s a $200 tip.
• Laughed hysterically with The Girl Child.
• Wished a painful and oozy venereal disease on at least one member of Congress.
• Wondered why that BP station on Union closed.
• Smiled when I found out my husband answers the question, “What does your wife do?” with, “She writes.”
• Missed being able to share something with my grandmother.
• Wondered how and why I keep making friends with Swedes, and then decided not to over-analyze a good thing.
• Laughed until I cried while watching a video of a chubby baby.
• Said, “Damn you and your hazelnutty deliciousness.”
• Come to terms with my Jell-O issues.
• Been thankful for a friend.
• Seen Donatella Versace topless.
• Stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I care to remember.
• Remembered how hot my husband is when he’s being all manager-y at work.
• Offered to do something for someone and been relieved when they declined.
• Felt like both kicking ass AND taking names because of the shoes I was wearing.
• Been thankful I can spend part of my day making ridiculous lists like this one.