42 Things I Love About My Husband

Today is Himself’s birthday. To honor him, I shall publicly embarrass him by giving you a list of…

42 Things I Love About My Husband (In No Particular Order):

1. His faculty as a parent. He’s a good daddy.
2. The way he smells. He smells like Ivory soap and sketchy intentions.
3. When he hacks his leg open with a hatchet, he calmly limps over to me and says, “Hey, can you help me a second?”
4. He generally offers to split the last beer with me. Generally.
5. He calls me on his way home from work. Squeeeee!
6. He fixes stuff.
7. When he hugs me, it makes everything better. Even when nothing is wrong.
8. He can sew on a button or make a minor repair to a seam better than I can.
9. He makes pie crust.
10. He makes better soup than I do.
11. He doesn’t wear leather-soled shoes.
12. He makes a damn fine biscuit.
13. He doesn’t seem to mind it that I regularly wrap my icy appendages around him for warmth.
14. I can’t count the number of days he’s let me sleep in while he gets up and takes a child to school.
15. He seems all mild-mannered, but he’ll kick your ass eight ways from Sunday if he needs to.
16. His hands.
17. His Gene Simmons dance. Hawt.
18. “Even zombies deserve to be happy.”
19. “Four wheel drive? We don’t need no stinkin’ four wheel drive.”
20. “Being friends with someone gay doesn’t make me gay. Wanting to kiss him? That would make me gay.”
21. (About a life-sized Cylon Centurian Robot) “I want to go to there. I’m gonna get one of those when we win the lottery. Put it in my playroom.”
22. “I bet she would strip for Jesus.”
23. “She’s the kind of wife who just walks around in panties just to piss you off. Like, ‘ooh, la-ti-da, I’m in my panties and this is as close as you’re gonna get, dumbass.’”
24. He thinks I’m cute. Even when I don’t.
25. He made the coffee this morning.
26. While he takes his paying job very, very seriously, it doesn’t come close to how seriously he takes his job as a parent.
27. When he says, “You know, that girl with the hips.” I know he means Rachael Ray.
28. He knows faith and religion can be, and usually are, two totally different things.
29. He’s secretly an anarchist.
30. He totally understands my passion for the New Orleans Saints.
31. I know that the night before our wedding, he wasn’t planning escape routes.
32. We have this unwritten contract that says he will always squish bugs, and I will always fix the computer. Even though we could each do the other’s job just fine.
33. Any time anyone says anything about pie, his response is always, “I like pie.”
34. He would do anything for love, and he has done that.
35. He will choose Rolling Stones over The Beatles every single time.
36. He totally did not blink when I said I was considering “Beast of Burden” being played during our wedding.
37. He wants “Please Don’t Bury Me” to be played at his funeral.
38. He is happiest when talking about boots, pocket knives, or guns, but is perfectly willing to discuss Nicomachean ethics should the situation arrive.
39. He was right about those damn slippers.
40. He makes me all goose-bumpy. In a good way. Not like a creeper.
41. People watching with him at Huey’s. He is the boss of people watching.
42. Every day that I’m with him is a day that I haven’t run away.